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Bobo’s Fantasy Football Appreciation Index: Week 2

Well, I was wrong.  I overestimated EVERY one of my Booya starters’ Week 1 score except for Polish bad boy Sebastian Janikowski, who beat estimates by two points.  I was being unreasonable with some of my predictions, sure, but I really don’t think it was crazy to suggest that Jamaal Charles would put up at least 20 on the lowly Bills.  I’m in for a long, long season.  I was also wrong about the Giants needing until Week 10 to break my heart: Rex Grossman (Rex Fucking Grossman!) torched the admittedly banged up Big Blue Wrecking Crew and I’ve all but given up hope on the season.

I lost in all three of my leagues and didn’t get a home run out of a single player in any of those leagues.  I still think I drafted good teams but that didn’t make it any easier for me to sit down this week (know what I’m saying?).  I couldn’t even bring myself to read any of the usual CBS Sports or ESPN fantasy bullshit this week, because after a weekend of three demoralizing losses the last thing anyone needs is to hear Matthew Berry talk about Crocodile Dundee in LA or whatever it is he’s famous for.

To top it all off, I had my upper left incisor extracted this week and a cyst removed from my gums.  They didn’t knock me out for it, either – just some novocaine and nitrous gas (which they were scrooges with.  I weigh 200 lbs, I need the max dosage).  Being awake for an operation where someone yanks your tooth out (after jackhammering it a bit to loosen up the anchor points, or something) and digs around in your gums with sharp objects is a bit like being in your own personal Saw movie, except without any cliche life lessons being learned.

I would be depressed by all of this, but I’m not, because WEEK 2 OF THE NFL SEASON ARRIVES IN TWO DAYS!  No, I haven’t given up yet.  Down, but not out.  To the index! (Note: Not even going to bother with predictions)

1. Jamaal Charles (-) – In a less cruel world, he’d play on a better team and would have a coach who would give him the ball more than 10 times a game.  Charles averaged 5.6 yards per carry (HALEY, ARE YOU NOT SEEING THIS??), which is basically what Charles has always done.  Heading into the season I was pumped about the Chiefs’ early schedule, but after getting thrashed by the Bills, I’m nervous.  Still, Charles, perhaps by default, remains my most appreciated guy.

2. Tony Romo (+3) - Sure, he ended up costing the Cowboys a win in real football (which is fine by me), but we’re talking about fake football and, considering the matchup against the Jets, I’ll take 17 fantasy points.  Guy still has a ton of weapons and he’s taking on a crappy 49ers team this week.  If he can get me at least 20 points and still manage to lose the game, he might take the #1 spot next week.

3. Steven Jackson / Cadillac Williams (-1) – Steven Jackson did what he was s’pose’ta last week in breaking a huge run for a TD.  Then he did what he was probably going to always do and left the game with an injury.  Now people will maybe stop laughing at me for drafting Caddy in the late rounds, since he might end up starting this weekend (and did ok after SJax left, too).  Don’t love my RB2 being an injury concern this early in the season.  Although, considering that St. Louis plays the Giants this weekend, maybe a week off could do SJax some good.

4. Miles Austin (-) – Scored exactly as many points as I predicted he would, which is a coincidence because he didn’t do it in the fashion I predicted.  Even if he had, it would still have been a coincidence because I don’t actually have any sort of predictive powers whatsoever.

5.  Sebastian Janikowski (+4) – 63 yards!  Dude is a beast.  Not sure why he wasn’t the first kicker taken: everybody knows the Raiders can’t score on the ground.  Or in the air, unless via foot of the Polish Powderkeg.  He’s this week’s biggest riser, which is probably by default because everyone else was garbage.

6. Darren Sproles (n/a) - New entry to the list, taking over at the slot for Braylon “Why Do I Keep Getting Drafted” Edwards.  Watching Sproles against the Packers on Thursday night reminded me of my days playing junior football with the Garden City Thunder, when our Running Back would be some tiny kid running around, trying to make a big play and sometimes succeeding, except everyone knew in the back of their minds that a shortstack like that had no future in football.  And then seeing that shortstack tear it up on the ground against the defending SB champs and one of the top defenses in the NFL.  You go, Jimmy!  I mean Darren.

7. Dallas Clark (-1) – If Peyton Manning is out for the season, is it ridiculous to drop Dallas Clark?  Tell me it’s ridiculous or else I will probably do it.

8. Dwayne Bowe (-4) – I’m just remembering now that this guy has Matt Cassel throwing to him.  #inforalongseason

9. Giants DST (-1) – Just ugh.

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