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Bobo’s Fantasy Football Appreciation Index: Week 1

After months and months of waiting, with more will-they-won’t-they tension than we’ve seen since The Office was still good (Team Pam all the way.  F Karen), we’re finally here: the 2011 NFL football season.  Which means two things, predominantly: one: the Giants are only ten or so weeks away from breaking my heart and two: my John Nash level of obsession begins over fantasy football.  I will sit for hours at my computer, reading everything published on the internet about who to sit, who to start, etc.  I will frequently exclaim that Matthew Berry or Jamie Eisenberg don’t know what they’re talking about, but I’ll happily grant them my precious pageviews nonetheless, because that’s what OCD is all about.

I’m not saying I could do a better job (read: I could), but given that I spend most of my day working in a real profession, I can’t even try to.  So instead of doing that, I’ll do something which is more suited to my skills: talk about myself.  Or my team, at least.  Welcome to the Bobo Appreciation Index.

Before each week, I will rank the players on my Booya 2011 team* in terms of how much I appreciate them (or don’t) for what they did the previous week or for what I expect them to do the coming week.  Or just based on how mad at them I’m not.  So far there isn’t much data to work with, but I nevertheless have incredibly precise expectations and nuanced opinions on my entire starting lineup.  The Index!

*Obviously, I have multiple teams, but will pick the one from the league of Columbia guys.

1. Jamaal Charles – Sweet Jamaal.  My best friend and my captain.  Still can’t believe I got him 5th overall in our draft (conducted 8/30, before the CJ situation was resolved).  Big mistake, EZVZ.  Week 1 Prediction: 17-100-2; 4-25-0 (26 points)

2. Steven Jackson - Last year, I drafted Cedric Benson with the 18th overall pick instead of Steven Jackson.  Big mistake!  So this year, with the 20th pick (and Ced Ben still on the board, where he belonged), I picked SJax, injury concerns, terrible team and all.  Sure, he might only score 6 touchdowns all year, but did you see how he responded to rapid and extreme changes in weather during that Nike Football “Leave Nothing” commercial?  Didn’t lose a step! Week 1 Prediction: 23-70-0; 3-30-1 (16 points)

3. Miles Austin – Miles makes his long-awaited return to my fantasy team, where he has been absent since Booya 2009.  That year, of course, was the year where I offered Austin for Slaton after week 6 and was haughtily rebuffed over league e-mail.  We all know how that turned out: Slaton was benched by the Texans and hasn’t started an NFL game since and Austin went on to be the 2009 Fantasy MVP.  Victory is sweeter when seasoned with the salty tears of your enemies.  Not even worried about Week 1′s Revis macthup.  Week 1 Prediction: 4-30-2 (15 points)

4. Dwayne Bowe – Bowe’s middle name is Lorenzo.  STUD.  Week 1 Prediction: 3-50-1 (11 points)

5. Tony Romo – This is the first year I’ve ever owned Romo and I own him in two leagues.  This has more to do with where I could draft him than for any intrinsic love I have, but the truth is he plays on a high powered offense and now that Jerrah Jones has finally fired his doughboy Head Coach, I have a feeling that Romo will play like a top 5 fantasy QB.  As long as he doesn’t do it against the Giants.  Week 1 Prediction: 25/40-300-3-1 (22 points)

6. Dallas Clark – Does it scare me that he’ll have Kerry Collins throwing him the ball for the next 2-3 months?  YES.  Am I hoping that the elderly QB will have to rely on his All Pro tight end even more than Peyton did?  YOU BET.  Week 1 Prediction: 5-60-1 (12 points)

7. Braylon Edwards – So Braylon gets away with DUI.  Not like he killed dogs or anything.  His QB situation sucks, sure, but so did it back in 2008 and that turned out pretty well for everyone, didn’t it?  Week 1 Prediction: 3-20-1 (8 points)

8. Giants DST – One of the big stories about the G-men this offseason has been how injuries have decimated them on D.  This worries me greatly.  Know what doesn’t worry me?  Playing the Redskins week one.  COUNT IT. Week 1 Prediction: 10 PA, 1 INT, 1 DTD (12 points)

9. Sebastian Janikowski – I have a theory about kickers who get in trouble with the law.  They’ve taken so much shit over the years from playing the least physical position on the football field that they feel like they need to act up to establish some level of street cred.  Kind of like how the skinny white guy needs to get into a fight on his first day in prison or else he’ll end up drawing the wrong kind of attention in the washroom.  Is there a right kind?  Week 1 Prediction: 4 PAT, 2 FG (10 points)

Week 1 Total Predicted Points: 132.  Hope springs eternal!  Let the heartbreak begin!

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