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Fake Got Real: The 1998 Survivor Series

Official 1998 Survivor Series: Deadly Game Poster

From the 90′s Preservation Society archives. Decided to post this because just a few short weeks ago, the Rock. Came back. To BROOOOKLYYYYYN.


Ask any guy who was a teenager in the 1990′s what his most memorable WWF moment was and he’s bound to have an answer in his back pocket. For some, it was when it was revealed that Kane was the Undertaker’s brother, whom the Undertaker had burned alive when they were children and left for dead*. For others, it was the time Stone Cold Steve Austin drove a zamboni into the ring. For me, the most memorable moment will always be the heartbreaking end to the 1998 Survivor Series.

First, some background. Most guys my age at the time would have cited their favorite wrestlers as being either Stone Cold Steve Austin or any member of D-Generation X. These guys all represented the rudest and baddest dudes in the WWF at the time, crushing beers in the ring, gesturing to their groins and being a pain in the ass to Vince McMahon, the loathsome/actual CEO of the WWF. I thought these guys were ok, but somehow they didn’t totally seem right to me. You see, I was aware that wrestling was fake: that the moves were scripted, the winners pre-determined, the rivalries agreed upon in the writers’ room. But I didn’t necessarily know that the wrestlers’ actual personalities were also, for the most part, a fabrication and I didn’t like the fact that Stone Cold and DX represented humanity at its basest. They represented nihilism, anarchy and chaos (to a far greater extent than Kane or the Undertaker ever could).


90′s Preservation Society: Mighty Ducks Fantasy Draft


This is a post that originally appeared around two years ago at the now-defunct 90′s Preservation Society. Since we’re deep into the first round of Stanley Cup Playoffs, I figured it was appropriate to repost. In it, Pedro and I conduct a Mighty Ducks fantasy draft. In retrospect, we probably should have done it snake style instead of playground style, since my team is stacked. Enjoy. (Continued)

Tina Fey vs. Taylor Swift: An Adventure in Overanalysis and Not Being Able to Take a Joke

Taylor Swift, in belligerent red

Vulture, New York Magazine’s “pop culture” blog, had an item earlier today about Taylor Swift hitting out at Tina Fey over remarks the comedienne made about her in January, while hosting the Golden Globes. At one point, Fey turned to Swift and said “Stay away from Michael J. Fox’s son.” The line got big laughs, likely trading on Swift’s tabloid reputation for going through boyfriends quickly and then writing thinly-veiled songs about them. Vulture quotes an upcoming Vanity Fair piece, in which Taylor Swift responds to a question about the evening by citing a favorite quote of Katie Couric’s, which is actually a quote by Madeleine Albright: that there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women. Edith Crawley, you’re on notice. (Continued)

Favorite Music of 2012

2012 was probably less of an interesting year for music, at least album-wise, than 2011 was, but still a handful of excellent tracks.  Here are my favorites, presented without comment and in no particular order.

Grimes – “Oblivion”

I know I said no particular order, but “Oblivion” is my number 1 for the year.


Either the Internet Is Wrong About Skyfall or I Am


I returned from the movie theater last night, having just seen Skyfall, the most recent outing in the award winning James Bond movie franchise, and the first thing I did was load Rotten Tomatoes.  Upon loading it, I confirmed what I already knew: the movie had a 91% approval rating from a conglomeration of diverse movie critics, suggesting the type of near-universal acclaim generally reserved for Pixar movies and Batman reboots.  I scrolled down the page, scanning the blurbs of appreciative text accompanying the more positive reviews: “Dark, supple and punctuated” or “Exciting and commandingly compelling,” or “Samuel Fucking Mendes!” for example.  I checked the aggregate score again, which was still 91%, then loaded the IMDB page where I noted the 8.1 score, strong enough to put it in the Top 250 movies of all time, as judged by the internet, and higher than 8 1/2, Rocky and The Exorcist, among countless others.  I was confused, head spinning.  I poured a drink from my parents’ complimentary liquor cabinet and cross referenced all of this with the experience I just had at the Hampton Bays United Artists Cinemas, concluding that either the entire Internet is wrong, or I am. (Continued)

Love in a Time of Comital Entails

Downton Abbey makes white nerds tweet like Kanye


There are primarily three types of people who append Roman numerals to their names: monarchs, popes and Americans.  If there exists an explanation for this incongruity other than vanity, then I have to admit I am ignorant of it.  What I am certain of, though, is that the phenomenon has more to do with aping monarchic naming traditions than it does honoring the likes of Benedict XVI.  This is not only because the majority of IIIs and IVs in our country are at least patronymically Anglo-Saxon, and therefore view Catholics with the sort of skepticism that yokel Midwesterners might save for theistic satanists and Harry Potter readers, but also because it dovetails nicely with what I view as a general and unhealthy fascination with the trappings of British and European aristocracy. (Continued)

The Hunger Games Are Stupid (And So Can You!)

On the advice of a friend, I read The Hunger Games, book one of the eponymous trilogy (the movie will be released this Spring), by Suzanne Collins this past May.  The story centers around the questionably-named Katniss Everdeen, who lives in a future dystopia (this is basically redundant.  Is there ever a book about the future where everyone is just like holy shit the future kicks so much ass?) in which a couple dozen kids are sent every year into an elaborate colosseum to kill each other to the death.

Now such a premise (ignore the stupid name of the protagonist) holds a ton of promise.  What’s not to love about a world where children are forced to fight to the death for entertainment purposes?  The built-in critiques of our society are so interesting and powerful that one basically doesn’t even need to do anything to improve upon them.  Which is why it’s so disappointing that the book sucks so much.

Yeah, you heard me counter-cultural pre-teen America: your favorite book (series) SUCKS.  In this post, I will explain a few of the things that I find particularly offensive about The Hunger Games.  A lot of these are probably unique to me and represent my own idiosyncrasies as a reader.  Others are more general.  Either way, as the media blitz surrounding the movie release grows in intensity, I felt it necessary to codify my thoughts and distribute them to you, my loyal reader(s).  Read on! (Continued)

Favorite Music of 2011

The end of the year means reflection.  In that spirit, here is some of my favorite music of the year, presented in no particular order.  I would provide Youtube links but I’m lazy.  Most of this stuff should also be available on spotify (if you’re not using spotify, you’re crazy). (Continued)

Basket Case and 80′s Philadelphic Cinemas

The best part about being home for the holidays is staying up late, taxing my parents liquor cabinet and watching Netflix streaming all night.  Recently, about 90% of my Netflixing has involved watching episode after episode of critically acclaimed TV like Breaking Bad, Friday Night Lights or Parks & Recreation (not getting the fuss, so far).  I realized that I hadn’t really seen any new movies in 2011, so after a few glasses of Macallan I decided to load up Take Me Home Tonight (2011), starring Topher Grace and Anna Faris.  The basic premise is this: it is the 80s, Topher Grace just moved home after graduating college and doesn’t know what he’s doing with his life.  Also, it is the 80s, which is something that you really need to know if you’re going to understand the film. (Continued)

All I Want For Christmas Is For You To Stop Fucking With Perfection

“All I Want For Christmas Is You” is, without question, the greatest articulation of the (secular) spirit of Christmas ever recorded.  The lyrics center on the singer’s love for another, a love so strong that the presence of her beloved is more important to her celebration of Christmas than presents, Santa or any of the other miscellany associated with December 25th.  The video, shot in the style of a grainy home movie (before home movies were shot in HD on iPhones, edited in iMovie, uploaded to YouTube and shared on Facebook), is filled with images of home and hearth, amplifying the message that Christmas is about the one(s) you love (which may include Jesus of Nazareth, although this is no longer considered essential to the Holiday).  It’s also filled with images of Mariah Carey, although this is typical of Mariah Carey videos of the time, although her midriff and cleavage are notably absent here. The net effect of this is humanizing: we are confronted with Carey the person, who misses her beloved, rather than Carey the prepackaged sex symbol.

And the composition and production value of the track are off the chart, placing this song firmly in the pantheon of Great Pop Songs (see also: Beach Boys, Michael Jackson). (Continued)